peer advice, support, inspiration

Q + A

Q: I have a friend that I am very interested in when it comes to the matching but there are two things holding me back from having her family approached. One is that she just got out of a process and I don’t want to be insensitive or hurt our friendship. The other thing is a bigger deal for me. I am sure one of my good friends likes her too. How do I handle feeling guilty while still making my interest known?


Josh Swenson

Josh Swenson

Josh says…

Dear Reader:

Hi there,

Thanks for the question! With a limited candidate pool, this situation is probably quite common. And it’s tricky because we tend to be very hush hush about anything related to the matching process. Based on what you described, I’d like to offer a few pieces of advice.

1. Gauge whether there is mutual interest.

The fact that you are interested in her doesn’t mean she is interested in you. Because one family initiates the matching process, there is often an imbalance of interest, which can lead to challenging situations as the process progresses. That’s why, being friends is a great start to the matching process. If you are really interested, start with further developing your friendship.

2. Don’t rush into things.

If there is a possibility of being matched, we often get really excited and try to move things forward as fast as possible so that we can obtain the object of our desires. However, it’s not wise to rush into such a huge life decision. Take time to discern whether you are ready for a lifelong commitment. Additionally, as you mentioned, she may not be in the right place at this time either. If you’re friends with her you should be able to gauge her emotional state. If you want another opinion, don’t be afraid to ask a mutual friend about how she’s doing.

3. Do battle with your friend.

The traditional method of determining which male has the right to a female is through armed combat. If you defeat your friend in a fight to the death or at least beat him to submission, then you will win the right to court the girl. Good luck.

However, since we no longer live in prehistoric times, a more diplomatic method is preferred. You need to talk to your friend about your intentions before tactlessly swooping the girl. Maybe he has also been considering having her family approached. Maybe he has already told his parents and they are about to approach her family. It’s better to settle things between the two of you before anything gets started.

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One comment on “Q + A

  1. Anonymous
    April 11, 2014

    While these are great suggestions, it may have been more helpful to others reading this to see some suggestions about how our subject could go about approaching his friend regarding this. Personally, while I would intuitively know that I need to talk to my friend, I wouldn’t know where to begin, what to say, what to ask, and where to put my foot down or give way.

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This entry was posted on April 11, 2014 by in Josh Swenson, Q + A and tagged , , , , .

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